As shameful as I feel this statement is, it does reflect where we’ve been this week. Here it is. I must own it.
I read a People Magazine from COVER to COVER today.
I mean that quite literally. I read every.single.page. From the Scoop about Patrick Dempsey’s Hawaiian vacation to the story about the deaf dachshund to the pictures of the best and worst hats at the royal wedding. I even read the really disturbing IAMS cat food ads. I plan to scan that one in so you can be disturbed, too. But not tonight. That would require effort and I have none of that.
One thing that made me chuckle was in the deaf dachshund article. As you might imagine, this was not the cover story. We’re talking page 108 here. At any rate, they were having trouble finding a good home for this dog, because he was deaf and barked incessantly. The quote I liked was: “What in the heck was I going to do with a deaf weiner dog?” If I only had a nickel for the times I’ve asked myself this question.
I also got a chuckle from a quote from the Bible. The Bible is not my normal source for comedy, but every now and then you get some growth AND comedy.
2 Chronicles 9:21: 21 The king had a fleet of trading ships manned by Hiram’s servants. Once every three years it returned, carrying gold, silver and ivory, and apes and baboons.
The apes and baboons thing really threw me. I wasn’t expecting that. And I laughed. It was just so precise. Returning every three years and each time carrying apes and baboons. That sounds fun. Also terrifying.
And finally, I will leave you with the only thing I’ve left you with for days now: Ick. We were sitting around the dinner table as a family for the first time in a long time, due to illness. Beloved was a mess today. I forced her to let me carry her outside for a few minutes before dinner, so she could soak in just a tad of sunshine and maybe grab some Vitamin D from the air. Then, like a surgery patient, I forced her to walk the circle of our downstairs. And then we tried to force her to eat, because she hasn’t eaten in 2 days and because she seemed to be wasting away. That seemed to be going really well, right to the end when it seemed to go terribly awry. She started to sputter a bit and got that deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. I know that look. Her lips were pursed shut. I jumped up, shoving my chair backwards across the kitchen floor with my very functional posterior. Then I did a little tribal dance, as I surveyed my possible receptacles. Finally, I just nabbed a regular soup bowl out of the cabinet and in one swift motion, swiveled Beloved around to face away from the table and held the bowl under her chin as she did what she apparently had to do. Clean, efficient, professional. The rest of them continued eating. And then I heard Mamasboy, chatting as if this was a regular occurrence:
“Man. Mama’s fast. I’d still be standing there looking for something, if it was me.”
I laughed at that. If all you do in a day is hold a bowl, it’s nice to be recognized for how stinkin’ good at it you are. Thanks, boy.
I’m going back to bed now. Tomorrow is totally a new day. Totally.