Tonight I was thinking. If I can’t sleep, which I couldn’t, and I’m too tired to read, which I was, and it’s too late to watch TV, which it is, sometimes I play Merged or Sudoku on my phone. I recently downloaded a Sudoku app and learned the concept. Only 8 years behind every other American, according to Todd.
“Now you could sit down in a room full of Kindergartners and have a lot to talk about,” he said to me last week. Isn’t he clever? He said this. I didn’t make the quote up so you’d feel sorry for me. I have graduated from Easy to Medium on my app. I was rocking the Easy level. I absolutely bomb at Medium. And I still cannot say Sudoku when prompted. I flip flop between SoDUko and SuDOku. Sheesh. Perhaps this is why I can’t master Medium.
At any rate, I was too tired for any of that tonight, but evidently not tired enough for sleep. So I just sat for awhile with my thoughts. I thought about the fact that out of 3 school supply lists and 52 items that have to be purchased before Wednesday of next week, I have ordered 4. From Amazon. I just couldn’t bring myself to buy anything else on Amazon when I knew Walmart was selling the same thing for a nickel. At least one child needs new uniforms. There are 4 open houses and one kid entering high school and many, many teachers to meet. I thought about the cards that arrived in the mail with the names of the girls’ teachers. In the past, I’ve gotten myself all tied up in knots about these cards and what they represent. I’ve worried over the teacher choices…even attempted to request who they should have or should NOT have some years.
Tonight I realized how small it all is. How insignificant. And worrying myself sick over something like school supplies or teacher choices is a luxury that means life is pretty easy otherwise. Because if the big things are in place and fine, then you have time to nitpick the little things.
This year I didn’t worry about the teachers and I haven’t purchased the supplies. This year I have other things on my mind. Questions. Ponderings. Lists in my head that are weightier than a 3 pack of post-it notes. I run the questions through my head but there are no answers trailing after. And I replay the things I’m pondering but today looks the same as yesterday.
And still the school supplies.
But tonight, ensconced in the melodrama, two words came to my very slow, very quiet brain.
The little stuff doesn’t matter. Because Jesus. It’s all okay. Because Jesus. The what if, the why, the when, the open-ended unwrittens.
He overcame the world. I can do all things–ALL THINGS–through Him. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Because he overcame the world, even the big stuff doesn’t have to pin me or paralyze me. Can I? Do I? Will I? Is there?
The answer to all of it is the same.
Now I just have to go DO something about that.