A Night Out on the Nutrition Guide

Every time I type a title for a blog, I think about capitalization. And then I think about the whole world’s view on capitalization. And then I think about what people did not learn in school. And then I shake my head. And then I type the title. Finally I move on. Next post, I will discuss how you are not supposed to begin a sentence with “and”, which I just did 4 times. But seriously. In a title or heading for something, you DO NOT capitalize those tiny little prepositions squashed into the middle of the title. So, for instance, The Sermon on the Mount would be as I just typed it. It would NOT be The Sermon On The Mount. This keeps me up at night, people. It does. Please email me if I need to take this any further. Also, talk to your preachers and power point prep guys in your churches. They could be sending people to the funny farm.

That was a crazy rant. 1000 pardons, please.

So, last night, I was out on the town (as if…) with a couple of strange girls like me.  We went to IKEA to eat and to shop. One of these girls is a wee bit OCD and was watching calories down to the tiniest of calories. She apparently had 611 calories to spare for the night. Not 610. Not 615. 611. It about blew up her Weight Loss app on her droid phone when IKEA didn’t have nutritional information readily available. And what was online was from Canada. Well, we all know you can’t trust a Canadian. If you didn’t know that, now you do. You’re welcome.

So at any rate, after eating and shopping (how many calories does it burn to control an IKEA shopping cart with two sets of swivel wheels???), we ventured to Steak ‘n Shake for dessert. Again, the Calorie Counter asked for a hard copy of a Nutrition Guide. At this question, the waitress squinted and just said, “No.” And though I didn’t say this out loud, I wanted to launch into a 15 minute monologue on why Steak ‘n Shake would never print a nutrition guide. I mean, come on. The restaurant should be called Instant Hospitalization. There was no milkshake under 700 calories. There was no dessert under 500, except for the chocolate chip cookies and the turtle thingie. I don’t eat turtles. I did order chocolate chip cookies and the lady looked at me like I had asked to see her tattoo.

So then it was time for Little Miss PDF to order. She was scrolling and counting. Counting and scrolling. Finally, after talking to herself for a few crazy moments, she said, “Oh, I can have the Small Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Milkshake! OK, I’ll have the Small Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Milkshake.” And she sighed, satisfied and triumphant. The woman met her satisfaction with bafflement and said, “We don’t have anything called that. We have the Double Dutch Chocolate Milkshake in a small…”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work,” Little Miss PDF said. And she started scrolling again. “I’ll have a small hot fudge sundae.” Finally.

The moral of this dumb little story is:

No moral. Sorry. But IKEA is cool. And you shouldn’t capitalize prepositions. Or start a sentence with ‘and’ or ‘or’.

Or trust Canadians.

13 thoughts on “A Night Out on the Nutrition Guide

  1. Ok, I think it is a STUPID rule on what to cap and not cap in a title. Who made up that rule? What purpose does it serve? I hate stupid rules. I know that rule but I defy it. And if we are all about obeying rules, lets obey them all…traffic rules, lets all go 3o on Bullard, not 35 or 40. Stupid rules. Hate stupid rules. There, I am over it.

  2. IKEA is the coolest….AND I think the lines painted on the floor were just for me…..AND what is your take on………..dots? 🙂

  3. that is why i don’t capitalize ANY thing. except for when i capitalize EVERY thing. and always the name of Jesus. of COURSE… and i love the three dots. in a row. and starting sentences with and. even when they aren’t a REAL sentence.

    why did my parents pay for 12 years of private schools and 4 years of a private college? i bet they asked for their money back…

  4. In my defense….well maybe I don’t have one except for the fact that you and your capital letter craziness = me and my calorie OCD. And (I did that just for you) I am Canadian…maybe you shouldn’t trust me. lol

  5. One of my 3rd graders (in my class at school) actually finds typos in text books. This is the 4th year I have taught him and I must say I am QUITE proud! How could I possibly be any more thrilled? How about my pet peeve of signs that are misspelled, or misspelled text in the little sidebar on the news (this morning on channel 9 news!)!
    So, tomorrow I am going to teach that little 3rd grader about capitalization in titles. I will report back to you.

  6. if calorie counter had a droid, why would they ask for a calorie list? all you have to do is look it up on the app you’re using. or is that what all the scrolling was for? if you want to diet that bad, then just give up sugar altogether and save everyone else the pain of your nitpickiness. just my opinion….and to make up for all the people that over-capitalize things, i haven’t capitalized anything in this comment.

  7. Well, changing the subject, the part about she looked at you as if you had asked to see her tattoo had me laughing out loud, and even now as I type this.

    I was a little OCD today at Olive Garden about calories. It took them a while to find a nutrition guide. And after they did I remembered I could look it up on my phone! Their nutrition guide only contains the low fat, gluten free or low carb items. I looked some of the others up on my phone and I know why!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s