Drivel

I will truly try to come up with something pithy to say later. I’ve been trying for weeks. Perhaps today is the day. But before I cart myself and two sick girls off to a riveting awards ceremony for Mamasboy, I want to take this opportunity and use this platform and shake my very tiny cyberfist as I shout, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..”

Pia Toscano should not be leaving American Idol. Anyone who knows their own address and can string two sentences together knows that this is a black and white matter. She was made for this competition. Though I still love Casey like he’s my long lost hairy child, Pia was really made to win it.

At the beginning of the season, I made strong statements about being OVER it since Simon left. I wasn’t going to watch. Since then, I’ve watched more than 15 hours. However, the more the judges all say the same thing and sound no more intelligent than I do right now, and the more good people keep getting sent home, the less I care about the whole deal. I didn’t watch last night’s utter fiasco. I found out on Facebook and then promptly went to bed by 10 p.m. I should have lost sleep over it, but I determined not to.

Without Simon, there’s no brain.

The other worthless topic I want to discuss is one that made me laugh and really shouldn’t have was a news story I caught early this week.  It began like this:

Police in Maryland are on the hunt for the perpetrator of what appears to be an April Fools’ prank that left a man glued to a toilet at a Wal-Mart store.

Now, I do have sympathy. That’s a horrible April 1st prank and a horrible situation to be in. But the writing of the article just got me. Here’s some more and then I’m off to celebrate.

There, they found the 48-year-old victim, who called for help after realizing the sticky situation he was in when he tried — and failed — to stand up and leave the superstore’s restroom, Donnelly said.

It took responders 15 minutes to remove the victim from the stall, but they were unable to disconnect the toilet seat from his body, Donnelly said.

Oh, man.