If only I could ACTUALLY eat my words, I might be successful in real life dieting…

Oh dear.
What truly is wrong with me?
Why do I talk so much? And say such idiotic things?
Why do I have my own blog?
Why am I typing right this moment?

I feel I must come clean. It is time to right the wrongs that will someday land me in a recliner, watching 20 hours of TV a day, washing myself with a rag on a stick, and ordering lots of skin care products off of the Home Shopping Network. The following statements have been made in a very public way, with gusto (is there any other way?), on Facebook. Below each of these statements is the truth. And under the truth is healing. Maybe.

January 20, 2011 8:00 a.m.: I am  over American Idol. I strangely have NO interest this season. Think of what I can do with all my time…

March 1, 2011: I just concluded one hour of watching American Idol and have filed to adopt Casey Abrams as my own son. I have not missed a moment in the last 5 weeks. Admitting this is worse than eating a tomato. And that’s really, really bad.

January 24, 2011 9:16 a.m. – I just ordered the Winter of Our Disconnect using my Amazon gift card purchase from last week. Spent $9, because the shipping was free. Feels a little silly to be POSTING to the world that I’m reading a book about disconnecting, but I’m thinking about making some big changes. Still in the thinking phase…

March 1, 2011 – I read the entire first chapter to Todd, almost to my own bodily injury, on January 30. I haven’t read a page since, don’t care, and am not disconnecting. At all.

January 22, 2011  8:20 p.m. – I got me some some rockin’ new running shoes and am preparing for the Gasparilla. For reals, this year.

February 26, 2011 – Nope. For fakes again. Although, in my defense, I was away for the weekend for a family funeral AND sustained massive doses of antibiotics for bronchitis, from which I am still coughing up things I’m sure to need. The running shoes still rock. What is WRONG with me?

I’m pretty sure that eating better has been on a public listing somewhere in the last 3 years. Oh, yeah. Like 156,879 times. Also sure that m&ms and pop tarts ON THE SAME DAY are grounds for rehab.

Rehab.

Can I change these things? Or am I the Charlie Sheen of the stay-at-home moms.

Tomorrow.is.a.new.day.

Also, this week I’m eating my first whole tomato. Ever. On camera. I just got a tremor even typing that. Good day to you.

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4 thoughts on “If only I could ACTUALLY eat my words, I might be successful in real life dieting…

  1. Well, my grown daughter tells me that the world is not interested in knowing my every thought. I had always attributed that to the fact that she was my daughter and slightly (if not greatly) embarassed by me. Believe it or not, she grew up in the information age. So, I would be super pudgy if I ate my own words!
    If you really get down to it, blogs are not a lot different than the lengthy letters that our little hankie-toting grandmas wrote. If you haven’t read one of those lately, you need to get your hands on one. My little fiesty homesteader grandma wrote letters that told what she had fed her family (your salsa blog), the current and past weather report, relatives/neighbors that had passed (your Tallahassee blog), how many eggs the hens had laid (still waiting for that one!) and other mundane but interesting topics. It was her way of staying connected to the world, even though she was far away from her roots, relatives, and safe home base.
    So, so sadly to say, we are not original, we have just turbo charged our little grandma’s letters by posting blogs!

  2. Ok, this just made me laugh and laugh. Blanket statements get us all! Eating healthy is good but you seriously do not need to diet. You are NOT over weight. You look good. Loved this post.

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