If only I could ACTUALLY eat my words, I might be successful in real life dieting…

Oh dear.
What truly is wrong with me?
Why do I talk so much? And say such idiotic things?
Why do I have my own blog?
Why am I typing right this moment?

I feel I must come clean. It is time to right the wrongs that will someday land me in a recliner, watching 20 hours of TV a day, washing myself with a rag on a stick, and ordering lots of skin care products off of the Home Shopping Network. The following statements have been made in a very public way, with gusto (is there any other way?), on Facebook. Below each of these statements is the truth. And under the truth is healing. Maybe.

January 20, 2011 8:00 a.m.: I am  over American Idol. I strangely have NO interest this season. Think of what I can do with all my time…

March 1, 2011: I just concluded one hour of watching American Idol and have filed to adopt Casey Abrams as my own son. I have not missed a moment in the last 5 weeks. Admitting this is worse than eating a tomato. And that’s really, really bad.

January 24, 2011 9:16 a.m. – I just ordered the Winter of Our Disconnect using my Amazon gift card purchase from last week. Spent $9, because the shipping was free. Feels a little silly to be POSTING to the world that I’m reading a book about disconnecting, but I’m thinking about making some big changes. Still in the thinking phase…

March 1, 2011 – I read the entire first chapter to Todd, almost to my own bodily injury, on January 30. I haven’t read a page since, don’t care, and am not disconnecting. At all.

January 22, 2011  8:20 p.m. – I got me some some rockin’ new running shoes and am preparing for the Gasparilla. For reals, this year.

February 26, 2011 – Nope. For fakes again. Although, in my defense, I was away for the weekend for a family funeral AND sustained massive doses of antibiotics for bronchitis, from which I am still coughing up things I’m sure to need. The running shoes still rock. What is WRONG with me?

I’m pretty sure that eating better has been on a public listing somewhere in the last 3 years. Oh, yeah. Like 156,879 times. Also sure that m&ms and pop tarts ON THE SAME DAY are grounds for rehab.

Rehab.

Can I change these things? Or am I the Charlie Sheen of the stay-at-home moms.

Tomorrow.is.a.new.day.

Also, this week I’m eating my first whole tomato. Ever. On camera. I just got a tremor even typing that. Good day to you.

Celebration of the Arts and Kountry Mist

Well.
Today begins a series that will appear on occasion and at my discretion to celebrate the arts. There is a lot of art in my life. A lot. The Free Dictionary  defines the arts as “imaginative, creative, and nonscientific branches of knowledge considered collectively, esp. as studied academically.” The singular term art is defined by the Irish Art Encyclopedia as follows: “Art is created when an artist creates a beautiful object, or produces a stimulating experience that is considered by his audience to have artistic merit.” So, one could conclude that art is the process that leads to a product (the artwork or piece of art), which is then examined and analyzed by experts in the field of the arts or simply enjoyed by those who appreciate the arts. In this vein, I submit the following clip to you. The process is my practicing. The product of beauty is my song. The expert enjoying and analyzing is you. The hamster boxes in the background are a bonus. They are the arts according to furry nature. They wouldn’t be in this shot if the Informinator had hit “Record” when we filmed this the first time. Today is the first time I have found a limit to what she can do. Hmm. As it was, I used a plate rack as a tripod and forged ahead. Because you can’t hinder the arts.

Wow. That was hard to watch. If nothing else, you can learn a few facts from the strategically located Multiplication Chart.

So, if we can attempt to move on, you may recall that the video-challenged Informinator issued a taste test challenge between the esteemed and delicious Diet Mtn. Dew and the shamefully named Diet Kountry Mist, made by Winn Dixie. They clearly don’t spend much on marketing. At any rate, I went into this experiment with unwavering confidence. No one drinks more Diet Mtn. Dew than I do. When separated from it last week on my travels, I almost had to hospitalize myself for the headache. Not really, but you understand my point, I hope. So here are the results on video.

YAY!

And this one…

Boo!!

After this post hits the web, you may want to send Todd some notes of encouragement. This doesn’t bode well…