If only I could ACTUALLY eat my words, I might be successful in real life dieting…
What truly is wrong with me?
Why do I talk so much? And say such idiotic things?
Why do I have my own blog?
Why am I typing right this moment?
I feel I must come clean. It is time to right the wrongs that will someday land me in a recliner, watching 20 hours of TV a day, washing myself with a rag on a stick, and ordering lots of skin care products off of the Home Shopping Network. The following statements have been made in a very public way, with gusto (is there any other way?), on Facebook. Below each of these statements is the truth. And under the truth is healing. Maybe.
January 20, 2011 8:00 a.m.: I am over American Idol. I strangely have NO interest this season. Think of what I can do with all my time…
March 1, 2011: I just concluded one hour of watching American Idol and have filed to adopt Casey Abrams as my own son. I have not missed a moment in the last 5 weeks. Admitting this is worse than eating a tomato. And that’s really, really bad.
January 24, 2011 9:16 a.m. – I just ordered the Winter of Our Disconnect using my Amazon gift card purchase from last week. Spent $9, because the shipping was free. Feels a little silly to be POSTING to the world that I’m reading a book about disconnecting, but I’m thinking about making some big changes. Still in the thinking phase…
March 1, 2011 – I read the entire first chapter to Todd, almost to my own bodily injury, on January 30. I haven’t read a page since, don’t care, and am not disconnecting. At all.
January 22, 2011 8:20 p.m. – I got me some some rockin’ new running shoes and am preparing for the Gasparilla. For reals, this year.
February 26, 2011 – Nope. For fakes again. Although, in my defense, I was away for the weekend for a family funeral AND sustained massive doses of antibiotics for bronchitis, from which I am still coughing up things I’m sure to need. The running shoes still rock. What is WRONG with me?
I’m pretty sure that eating better has been on a public listing somewhere in the last 3 years. Oh, yeah. Like 156,879 times. Also sure that m&ms and pop tarts ON THE SAME DAY are grounds for rehab.
Can I change these things? Or am I the Charlie Sheen of the stay-at-home moms.
Also, this week I’m eating my first whole tomato. Ever. On camera. I just got a tremor even typing that. Good day to you.