Missy wraps up the Oscars

There’s only one way to watch the Oscars. With cynicism and at 11:15 for 15 minutes. I caught everything I needed to. Do I really need to know who won the award for the best panty hose design for the ballerina movie? Do I need to know who won for best cinematographical watercolor painting? Send them a letter in the mail. Congratulations to you and your family. The rest of the world is pretending to feel the impact.

So here’s the summary of what I saw.

  • Jessie Eisenburg hates Sandra Bullock for some reason and is not going to accept her friend request on Facebook.
  • Annette Bening has not had any work done and is very, very ancient. Also, are the kids all right? Are they really?
  • Ballerinas wear a whole lot of ugly makeup and cry a lot. They should consider all that make up if they are going to cry so much.
  • If you have a British film and it comes out the same year that Prince William is getting married, it will win everything. How mundane is that?
  • People punching each other for 2 hours is only interesting if those people are boy-band cute.
  • I don’t even know what to say about Inception. I have overheard so many people talking about dreams and spinny-rooms. No thanks. Also, Leo is not my thing. Not since Growing Pains when we were both 13.
  • In the scene they showed of True Grit, I didn’t understand one single word from Jeff Bridges’ mouth. Not one single word. I’m still a fan, though.
  • There was a kid in Winter’s Bone who definitely was not all right. She was all bloody and stuff.
  • And as for 127 hours, please do the math for us in the future. I still do not know how many days or weeks or months that is. I do not want to divide 127 by 24. So, I’m guessing he was trapped under a rock for like 6 weeks or something.
  • Toy Story 3 was robbed. They are owed every award from every facility that exists anywhere, ever. I am vindicated by the fact that there are no Natalie Portman scary dolls, but my children play with Buzz and Woody daily. Daily. So maybe the Academy didn’t give it a little gold guy, but it wins in the Money and Popularity category.

And the Moscars (that’s Missy’s Oscar) go to:

Best Picture: Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.
Best Actor: Justin Bieber’s grampa. He was really good.
Best Actress: Cher, Moonstruck.
Best Original Score: KidzBop 19.

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4 thoughts on “Missy wraps up the Oscars

  1. You need to get out more if thems your picks. Ha. True Grit should have won…the girl DEFINITELY should have won. I did LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing/hearing Mandy Moore and Zach Levi sing and the auto songs.

  2. we need to work on the justin bieber invasion in your life.
    take a hint from my 7 year old cousin. she say’s “he’s immodest. he prances.”

  3. Seriously. If Toy Story 3 is good enough to watch every single day (which we do), then why didn’t it win?

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