Balance? Not so much.

Um.
My house looks like a very rude cat burglar came in, attacked it, and left it without taking anything.
I’ve realized just this week that I really am incapable of balance. I do one thing, fairly well, and that is all. The lucky winner is the thing chosen for a span. All other contenders should just go home and find another activity. I just can’t do more than one thing.  Around Christmas time, I was on a crockpot meals kick. That was nice. That lasted like a week. Maybe two. Over the summer, it was the 30 day Shred with Jillian Michaels. That lasted…30 days. I didn’t shred. Probably because it required me to exercise while eating well. That’s two things I have to do.
This week it is the blog. It has been ONLY the blog. I will soon add a menu for Formal Apologies. There I will begin letters to those I am stiff-arming on a daily basis. I will leave ample space for those wronged to write me back. I think that’s only proper. I concentrate very hard when I’m writing. For me, that’s what it takes, because as we’ve established, I’m just not smart enough to do two things well at once. Often I come out of my fog to the 15th in a series of Mommy, Mama, MOM, Mommy, Mom, MOMMY, Mommy…you get the idea…to see one of them standing there. How long has that crusty stuff been on your face? What is that?

So the other night, there was a member of my household snoring like a souped up 1979 El Camino. And as much as I tried to work this into a construction dream, in which I have a new house built that comes with servants and a very cool library, I just could not fall asleep. So I got up. To blog. And right before I finished that entry, I checked my email. There was an email from AG’s cub scout pack leader. Nuggets. That never goes well for me. I have determined that on top of stinking at balance, I am totally not smart enough to be a cub scout mom.  Here is how the email went for me:

Subject Line: achievements (I knew we were in trouble right then…)

Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to tell you all that I have just gone through all of the boys’ folders to see what achievements have been earned for tomorrow night’s pack meeting. If this information is incorrect, let me know as soon as possible.
Cody – Has completed enough to earn one bead.
Adam – Has completed enough to earn one bead and one belt loop.
Enrique – Has completed enough to earn two beads.
Patrick – Has completed the requirements for Bear and will receive his Bear patch tomorrow and his last two beads.
Nathaniel – Has  completed enough to receive 1 bead, an archery and BB Gun belt loop.
Collin – Has completed enough for his last 3 beads and ahs completed the requirements for Bear and will receive his bear patch tomorrow.
AG – The folder was not filled out. I know he has done some activities, so please get with me so we can ensure he is getting credit for what he has done.

Oh dear. I had many thoughts go through my head at midnight as I read this email.
I thought that folder was just for attendance. I guess now that I think on it, it did seem a little thick for just an attendance log, and why would you each have a folder for attendance. If it were just about attendance, there’d be a central roll book. Nice one, Missy.
What’s a BBGun Belt Loop? I want one of those.
What’s a bead?
I hate being more stupid than the other cub scout moms.
Nuggets.

So I sent her a “wow, how stupid of me” reply. Needless to say (but you know me, I have to say it anyway), we didn’t get any beads, belt loops, candy stripes, wild animal badges, or winks and smiles the next night at the pack meeting.

I still don’t know what a bead is.
Or how to get the Bear badge.
And I still can’t juggle more than one activity.
And why are there so many cub scouts that are punks? Is there a bead for “Stopped Acting Like a Punk”? ‘Cuz we could get that one!
Please come finish my laundry.

Speaking of laundry. And balance. I took this picture today.

You know the old science books that have a man standing next to a T-Rex so you can see exactly how large the T-Rex really is? Well, that’s what we  have going on here. Uncle Jake stopped by. He apparently felt it was safe to stand there next to the basket of clean laundry. I have two problems with the laundry in this house:

1. The clean laundry.
2. The dirty laundry.

And so. In one week’s time, I have to get this house cleaned up. Totally. While blogging. I’m never going to be able to do this.
Never.
Wait till you see the pictures I took of Scary Room. I had to go get my wide angle lens, no kidding. But I’m saving those. For now.