The Gum on the Bottom of your Shoe

In the past 48 hours, I have not escaped from an Escape Room, been to Disney, and been pulled over by a cop for speeding with all 4 children in the car. Those are the notables worth further discussion. There are some minuscule items that may also get an honorable mention before this is over. This is drivel, so be warned. This is the gum on the bottom of your shoe. All I’m doing here is slowing you down. 

1. The Great Escape Room. The idea behind this concept is fun and interesting. Ours was a group of PTA moms too big to be in one room together. To solve the size issue, we were split into two identical rooms and told to compete against each other. In one room, there were a lot of brainiacs and clearly some cheaters. In our room, it was the Donner Party before it was over. Forty five minutes in and half of us were lying on the floor telling the others to eat us if they never got out. I’m not sure what they planned to do about water. Team 1 got out of their room with 5 minutes still on the clock. This was not our team’s experience. When the timer went off, we were still a good 40 minutes from an aha moment. When the monitor dude explained to us what we were missing and how to solve the puzzles that would lead us out, I stared at him blankly. I mean it. Nothing got through. I know he was speaking English, but I didn’t catch a word of it. NOT ONE WORD. There was a velcro game of Battleship and a whole lot of math (cruel) and some plastic farm animals. I determined that you are either a puzzle solver or a blue collar worker in such a circumstance. I was blue collar. I could search the room and take apart anything, but that was the extent of my contribution to the group. I can find a mini cash register with a green sticker on it, but you’ll have to figure out what to do with that. I’m pretty sure I was bought in at the last minute to sabotage my team. Whatever the case, the end of the matter was that we did not end up cannibalizing each other and the dude let us out. We got to pose for a group picture with signs like “Almost Escaped” and “Send Help.” After sharing a yummy lunch and laughing a lot, I didn’t mind losing so much. I’m a bad loser. Everyone knows this about me. Thanks a lot, Florida State. Sheesh. 
2. Magic Kingdom. Disney was crowded, but fun. It’s hard to downplay the Florida heat right now. It’s oppressive, not unlike being trapped under a large animal in the middle of a desert. It doesn’t help that I got the sweaty gene. The highlight of my day was watching my 15-year-old son get bullied into giving Piglet a hug. That was a golden moment. Not for him, of course.
3. Cops. On Sunday afternoon, I was in my bumper stickered minivan with all four kids. My husband and in-laws were in the other car. We were leaving church and meeting for lunch. Apparently I was in a hurry and unaware that I was in a 35 mph speed zone. As soon as I passed the cop, I had that feeling. That wash of panic that comes over you when you see a taxi out of the corner of your eye. Only this time, it wasn’t a taxi. It was an actual cop. And she pulled me over. At this point, I had my permitted driver reach in the glove box for the AUTO envelope I had set up for myself years ago. I knew there would be a need for it at some point. My organization, courtesy, 4 children dressed for church, and the kindness of the cop worked in my favor. I got off with a warning. And while that’s very important to the story, it didn’t take the sting out of being pulled over in a turn lane in the middle of the busiest road between church and food. If you are going to get pulled over, don’t do it on the food route 10 minutes after church lets out. Alllllll your church friends are going to pass you as they drive to lunch. Some of them will text your husband. And in the back seat, I had the blabbety blabs going on and on about funny things they could say and do when the cop walked back up. My oldest boy was texting his friends and making notes for the day he gets pulled and needs mercy from his parents. I’m just grateful she didn’t take my money. I can live with a loss of dignity. It’s been a mighty long time since I’ve had that anyway.
4. Stupid Human Tricks. My left eye has been twitching for 6 weeks. Like REALLY twitching. Sometimes it twitches so violently that I can actually see it twitching with the eye itself. It jumps so far from my eyeball, I can catch it with peripheral vision. That’s messed up. I wonder if there’s an essential oil for that. Just kidding. Please no.
5. Quality Education. Today my daughter came home from school with something to report. “I got in trouble today in Science class,” she said. She was a tad sheepish, but mostly journalistic in her approach. “I have a new teacher who is really mean,” she continued. “She doesn’t think anything is funny.” Oh no. What did you do? What did you say? I pressed her for more info. “Well, she asked us to come up with a question that could be answered with an experiment.” Oh dear. Go on, I said. “Well, I raised my hand and said, ‘What happens when you put a cat in the freezer?’ She didn’t like that at ALL, Mom. She said that if I want to keep asking questions like that, maybe she can have a conversation with my parents.” I am laughing as I type this, I’m a little ashamed to say. What DOES happen when you put a cat in the freezer? 
6. AARP. Last night, Todd and I had a moment. He said that he needed to pick up a prescription at our local CVS. I got really excited and said, “Hey, I have a prescription waiting at that one, too!” And we made our evening plan around picking those up. There have been some times when I wondered, “Is this old age?” Like when I have to check a less favorable box on a form for my age or I wake up with a sore back. Those were not old age. Not officially. But the sharing a ride to pick up your drugs…THAT was it. #AARP send us some literature. We’ll fill it out together.

But old people don’t blog, do they? Naw. I still got it.