I have often said about myself: I may make a lot of dumb mistakes, but I never make the same dumb mistakes. I can be taught. Unfortunately for me, there are so many new ways to make dumb mistakes, I never quite feel I’ve arrived. There is no peaceful sigh followed by, “I remember when I used to be dumb.” Instead, I just wonder what it’ll be today. In what way will I shame or endanger myself? Every day is exciting…
I walked into Winn Dixie this morning to buy bacon. We were out and there are at least 2 people in my family that are carnivores only. Baconivores, if you will. Porkivores? Well, whatever. I went in to buy bacon and to get something for dinner tonight. I figured some sort of culinary spirit would move me. What moved me was the Buy one, get one on most meats in the store. Wow. I wanted to pass this up, because I didn’t really feel like shopping. But I couldn’t pass it up. I had to start throwing meats into my…little tiny basket. That lasted all 1 roast’s worth of space.
So I set my basket on the floor and went to the front of the store to get a cart. Then, I returned to tossing meats into it. At wild abandon. Awesome.
I decided this little find was exciting enough to text about. So I pulled Gladys out of my back pocket and texted Todd. I typed, “I think Winn Dixie is my new favorite store. BOGO on all meats. I am buying chicken, steak, pork chops, and roasts.”
I was about to hit send when I remembered the breeding and pottying. So I stopped myself cold and read back over the words that were about to hit Todd’s phone. It said, “I am buying chicken, steak, pork cops, and typists.”
Well, now. That’s a very different type of sale, now isn’t it? I’m not sure I even have any good recipes for pork cops or typists. So I corrected myself. You see? Only dumb once, in one area.
I checked out and rejoiced in my $50 worth of free meat. Then I went to load everything into the car.
Everything but the bacon. Which I forgot to get. Because the free cops and typists were so distracting to me.
Shoot. Back into the store I went. This time I bought bacon on sale and some crackers. Mmm. Bacon and crackers.
Checked out again, with the same cashier. That’s always unfortunate. I’m sure she’s seen this before, though.
Then I walked out to my car to go home and the driver’s door was wide open. Huh. Well, would ya look at that? I did that. Remembered the bacon and walked back in to buy some without shutting my door. Fortunately, the 2 ipods and 2 cameras were still there. Because if you save $50 in meat but lose $600 in electronics, you are $550 in the hole.
And though they might be tasty, the free pork cops will not sing your Merry Kicksmas playlist to you when the holidays roll around.
Snappshots.com 
Ha! I have done that very thing at the store – forgotten the main thing I went for, unloaded at the car, gone back, returned to the car having left my door open. We could say “dumb”, or we could say “great minds think alike.” Let’s choose the latter, shall we? As for Winn Dixie, they should pay you for this blog – think how many of your thousands of readers will now go there to buy meat today?! That includes yours truly, who could do her own blog on the topic of Winn Dixie. I typically do not go there, as there is always only one cashier for a huge store, no matter the time of day or level of busy-ness (unless you go there at some weird hour, when there may be NO cashiers to be found). That is only one of many Winn Dixie blog topics I could address. But no matter – instead of my usual trip to Publix today, I will go to Winn Dixie for free meat. Hopefully for Winn Dixie’s sake, your readers will read only your post & not my comments. 😉
Oh please, do not ever proofread your texts to me…I love texts about breeders, potty, pork cops and typist! That made me laugh. : )
I stand corrected. When I arrived at Winn Dixie to get my free meat, there were not one but three cashiers!
guess i should go to winn-dixie too! i am like cathy. i typically don’t go there b’cuz of the same reasons she doesn’t go. guess did get free meat though. i need something to fix. maybe i will get inspired also. i’ve pretty much closed the kitchen these days. but today is moe’s monday!
I read both of these in a row. You are crazy! My friend lost her husband a few years ago and I sent the most bizarre text that I almost couldn’t show my face at the funeral! It really gave them all a much needed laugh. Add on the problem of not being able to see because you need reading glasses and you really will have issues in texting! Too funny, you crack me up!
Your “breed more” text still wins.
i agree. Totally.