Here are some tips from a very savvy traveler. I won’t say who that is. I won’t say when these tips were acquired. I will just list this very powerful advice and let you do with it what you will. The Informinator’s husband (Mr. Informinator) once looked a group of us in the eyes and said, “I hear what you are saying….andddddd, I’m gonna flush it.” He then made a cute little flushing motion with his left hand and that was the end of what we were saying.

So it may be with you. It’s your choice.

1. If you have a long day ahead of you, traveling or otherwise, do not stay up past 12:30. Definitely do not post blogs when there are other things on your list that haven’t been done. Or, if posting blogs is on your list, place it higher than the other things so you can post the blogs without guilt. I am so dumb sometimes.
2. If you have a hankering to rent a car, do not randomly choose large cities in western states to rent the car. It might cost you the life of a human, plus another human, plus your plasma, plus $9000, and then plus one more human. That’s 3 humans, some plasma, and $9000. No car is worth that.
3. If you do indeed have a stupid car rental hankering, though, at least check into the cost before choosing your flight city. I mean it. Do this one. Otherwise, you better be figuring out which humans and whose plasma are preceding your $9000 payment.
4. Avoid Louisiana. That one is so obvious I almost left it off. But really it should be on here twice.
5. If you absolutely must traverse Louisiana, stop in Baton Rouge and stay at the Best Western Richmond Inn and Suites. It’s an oasis in a dry and sinister place.
6. If you should choose to spend a length of time in a valley (this is not a metaphor. We’re talking literal valleys here.) and you think there is not cell phone signal in the abode, climb up onto the side of the tub in the guest bathroom. You might just find what you are looking for…and get a text while you are up there.
7. If you give up your side of the bed to your son for one night, you will lose your place forever. I have no idea how this one happened. I’ve been on the couch ever since.
8. If you again have the rental car hankering for a spankering, call the LOCAL number for the agency. LOCAL. At the other end of 800 numbers are people with no soul, no personality, and possibly no pulse. They might be angry robots. Do not talk to them.
9. Louisiana is bad. People named Louise are good.
10. Trust God. He is watching over even Louisiana.

I am going to have to repost my previous two blogs about jean shopping. They are basically worthless, but I messed everything up and I’m trying to fix the blog so things are in the correct order. Forgive me if you have seen them and already agreed in your head that they were worthless. But at least I’m doing this while you are sleeping. Maybe you will not notice.

I should not be talking to you like you are in my living room. This whole thing has a very unnatural feel to it. I should find some friends that are not rental car salesmen.