I am a sick woman.
I have taken to shopping Craigslist for things that are weirder than iPod nanos.
Lately, it is pets. Because–you know–I’m so good at managing the living creatures already in my care. For sure, I should get a dog. A dog, mind you. But the real fun in Craigslist pet perusal comes from pulling up the pet ads and reading them all. Straight through…like a novel. It’s awesome.

I will just paste in a few. That way, I can empirically prove my point.

Submission #1— Fancy rats- Russian blue, dumbo, Rex, and more!
Various color/coats/ears available. We have solid color rats, hoods, and caps available.

All are socialized, healthy, and ready to go to loving homes!

Regular fancy rats start at $5, Russian Blues start at $10. Discounts available for purchases of 2 or more.

Siamese litter available in about 3 weeks, now accepting reservations.

Please contact for pictures or to schedule a time to pick out your new ratty baby!

Is fancy a type of rat or is this owner just trying to convince me that his rats are more attractive and affluent than, say, the rats I am poisoning in the farmhouse we are due to move into? All are socialized. Socialized? Do they go to dances? Play team sports? I can’t wait to schedule a time to pick out my ratty baby. Can’t.wait. Also got to get me a Siamese rat birth reservation. Because the only thing better than a rat is a Siamese rat. Wait a second. They don’t mean ‘conjoined’, do they? I was picturing two rats joined at the elbow….and was hoping for a discount for buying two or more.

Submission #2 — Lost Miniature Pig!
He is an unaltered male miniature pig 40 pounds or less.

He doesn’t even come to knee height.

He was living in the barn with the baby cow because he thinks he’s a cow, but periodically got loose.

I found him the first couple of times but this time I’ve had no luck.

I live on Darby Road.

Wilbur is all red with small black spots on his body. If you’ve seen him please contact me! I miss him terribly and have only waited this long to put up the ad because I thought I would find him like last time and couldn’t accept he was gone.

The pictures I posted aren’t very recent but its what he looks like. Call me with info on his whereabouts.

I have only two things to say here. Unaltered? What? And he thinks he’s a BABY COW. Wow.

Submission #3 — Bearded Dragon Babys
i have some bearded dragon babys for re homing

i have reddish orange bearded babies

there 4 weeks old eating everything they can catch i feed them 1/4 crickets dusted in calcium
and some greens

30$ each

Oh, please. $30 for a horrifyingly ugly reptile? No, thanks. How about YOU pay ME because I survived your grammatical hackery.

Submission #4 — So I gave the hint I wanted a puppy (Pasco)

Date: 2012-02-14, 5:22PM EST

So I asked for a puppy for Valentine’s Day or soon as can be. Well my hubby gave me the look oh you really were serious. What?! So I showed him a few ads over the last few days and he said okay I will check into it. He is in the dog house now. So now here I go. Stay at home Mom looking for a dog that is no larger than 20 pounds. No preference in sex. Need a cat friendly dog or the opportunity to see if the dog is okay with the kids cat. I own my home and have a fenced in yard with a tent that my husband will be sleeping in for a few days. A rehoming fee/adoption is not a problem. So please email my husband to literally get him out of sleeping in the new tent in the back yard. Thanks and Happy Valentine’s Day!!


Love it! Drama. Intrigue. Conjoined ratty babies with interchangeable ears. I think this blog needs a separate category for Craigslist Crazies.

And that’s a wrap.

5 thoughts on “Illness

  1. You ARE a sick woman. Funny, but sick. Maybe you should be selling stuff on Craigslist instead of buying more things to take care of.

  2. Are you sure you are not living in Louisiana? Seriously, ratty babies? Who has ever heard of such a thing and why would you want a rat? I taught high school science and our students had to dissect them….. can’t say I wanted to take one home! Yuck!!! I do like the tent ad, that is cute!

  3. I have a question. What is 1/4 crickets? Do you have to tear the crickets into quarters? And then dust them with calcium like it is powdered sugar?

    I do not need a pet with these requirements. Especially when it is ugly to begin with.

    Puppies, now that’s different. Good luck!

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